frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
