I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just pee around me
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
