I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just want to make out with him forever
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
