for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
