Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
