People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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