Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
