I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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