i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
