Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
