Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
