never play flip cup with pint glasses
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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