his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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