can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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