I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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