The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
