Jerry, you need to find god
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize