screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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