the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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