these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
People in love make me want to vomit
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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