i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
