What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
