considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
