I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
