Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
