I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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