How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
