What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
