I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
