In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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