I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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