Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
