Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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