Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
