My brain says no but my pants say off.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize