He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
