drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
