I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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