he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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