why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
