There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
