Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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