I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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