yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm like, not good at living.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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