Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize