this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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