I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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