We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
