At least make sure they are 18
Why
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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