her vagine was all disorganized.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
