I didn't shave. On purpose
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
