It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
