yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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