2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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