I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
ttyl tear gas
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
