He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
