whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
