john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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