literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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