I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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