At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
