If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
