It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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