wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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