somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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