Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
