no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
